interaction with others, even to the point of becoming a recluse. For others the phobia is related only to
situations where they have to speak in front of groups, large or small.
From Where Does This Fear Come?
Social phobia comes from several factors. There is evidence of a possible inherited tendency in social
phobics to have greater fear of strangers than do other people. However, most of the evidence suggests
that social fear is learned. Social phobics generally come from families where both parents are critical,
set high standards of achievement, and may put much emphasis on proper social behavior.
Social phobics are different from other phobics and non-phobics in several ways, but the primary
difference has to do with thinking. Compared with other people, social phobics tend to
- think about themselves more, and in more negative terms
- think others are judging them more negatively than others really are
- think other people have higher standards for them than others really do.
How Do You Overcome Social Phobia?
It has been my experience that this fear is difficult to overcome. This is due to several factors. The main
factor is a person’s life philosophy. Social phobics have internalized a feeling of personal inferiority.
Also, they believe that people are constantly criticizing one another. Because of these two beliefs they
often are "on the defensive" in social gatherings where they want approval. They are very self-conscious
and vigilant for signs of disapproval (such as a scowl). This need for approval often propels them into
high achievement. Their success reinforces the belief that they must be thoroughly competent to be
okay.
A person's general orientation to life, their values and beliefs, are often very difficult to change. Because
this fear of disapproval is part of a social phobic's life philosophy (their personality), they have much
difficulty seeing any other effective way to believe. They constantly, often unconsciously, compare
themselves with others. When they are measuring up they feel OK and are very functional. They
believe everything is right with the world. But when they are faced with situations where they are
performing below their expectations, they become nervous.
With all this peculiar thinking, it is not difficult to see that one way of overcoming this fear is to examine
and change thinking. This is one of the main focuses of therapy at the Phobia Center of Dallas/Ft.
Worth. In therapy you will be working toward analyzing beliefs and helping you to develop a new way
of looking at the world that will be more self-supporting and less focused on impressing others.
Another very important part of overcoming any phobia is to be exposed to the situation you fear. You
won't get over your phobia without it. However, this can be done in a way that is not overwhelming.
You will work to set up practice in social situations, always in manageable steps, where you can practice
the skills you will learn, such as how to master one on one conversation, and how to understand non-
verbal communication. Then you can come back to therapy, discuss your successes and problems, and
plan new strategies for practice. Before long your confidence will increase and your progress accelerate.
It is much like a snowball effect.
